Blog #21

SocialConventions

"Ben* and Sarah* sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage." - Children's Playground Song
 

This is how life is supposed to go right. Go to High School, go to College, find someone you love, get married, have a family. Alas! It's not the only way.

Over the last few years, I've been picking up on all these social conventions. Social conventions that if a person doesn't follow, the person is ridiculed, thought to have made a mistake or will eventually change his mind. 

After thinking long and hard about it: I don't want kids. ( and people get generally concerned about it )

It's not a problem. Maybe 1% of people say something positive after I remark that kids aren't for me. Many people ask me, "Well why not?" Isn't the fact that I don't want one a large enough reason? ( Yes, yes you say I'll change my mind.) Hundreds of thousands of babies are being born across the globe as you read this. It's going to be alright if I don't have a child.

I hear a hushed remark here or there such as, " Oh she never married.", "They didn't have any kids..." Like those things are taboo. It does not mean those people were any less happy.

"Tommy* and Tina* have been dating for 8 years. I can not believe they aren't married yet."
WHY? Maybe they're trying to be like Oprah. Is a relationship any less valid if you don't (as Beyonce` would say) "put a ring on it"? Doubtful. If it is, then the relationship wouldn't have worked if said couple was married. For a lot of people, marriage is for a religious reason and I completely respect that choice.

Don't get me wrong, I love all the tots that are in my life! It's just a new concept that people aren't wanting a family of his or her own these days.
Everyone is entitled to their own life choices. Here's to wishing everyone felt that way. Maybe one day.

Cheers! 

Blog #20

Secret Keeping is no easy task.

       If you read my past post on the importance of the co-pilot position, this post will seem familiar.  Normally, a secret begins in a variation of one or two ways.  1) "Ok, I have to tell you something but you have to promise not to tell anyone..."  or 2)   the secret is said then the person telling the secret says," Would you mind not saying anything? Nobody knows about it". 

    Okay people, we need to start self advocating. Keeping secrets is an irksome job. I'm pretty sure this quote sums it up from the ever animated Sheldon Cooper when asked to keep a secret:

" Well, I’m sorry, but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret, so that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the covenant of secret-keeping. You can’t impose a secret on an ex post facto basis."-SheldonCooper

         There are many angles involved in keeping a secret which can slippery-slope in to a person lying to cover up for said secret! An unacceptable, vicious, circle.  What if the person didn't want to hear the secret in the first place? I think it's polite to ask first. That is all. I'll admit, I haven't been asking when telling someone something private but I think from now on I will try.  Some people love keeping secrets; they're called psychologists and psychiatrists.  

Seriously though, before you decide to divulge a secret, take 10 and think of what you're entrusting this person with. If you have a great secret keeper in your life, let he or she know. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

"The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep " - Edgar Watson Howe

 Cheers!

Blog #19

I'm in a glass case of emotions!

      
        Say What?

       

                   It's wedding season!

     Since nearly half my family and friends are getting married this year and I'm a bridesmaid in two of them, how could I not post about weddings!  Who knew there are an overflow of traditions, expectations and (as Sheldon would say) 'social conventions' pertaining to  weddings? After listening to many conversations, I just have to say: a  conventional wedding is not for me.  

    First off let me just say that having a wedding is a lot of unneeded pressure BUT millions of girls/boys grow up concocting the perfect wedding day with all the trimmings? How does it happen? I never grew up dreaming of that. Is it an outside influence when we're younger? Why is it the wedding day?

           Secondly, weddings are unreasonably costly ( just as are funerals these days, but that's another blog).  So technically, the bride and groom shell out thousands of dollars to celebrate with every family member they can find in his and her address book, while the guests give them maybe the equivalent in gifts? Doubtful. I can understand wanting to celebrate with family in friends but to celebrate with an Uncle and 5th cousin who last saw you never? Pur-lease. Invite the people you truly want to spend the day with and rejoice you're forever attachment-ness. 

    Thirdly, there are SO many "rules" I never knew about (not shocking).  Examples being: who throws the bridal shower? The Groom's family is supposed to pay for the alcohol while the Bride's is supposed to dish out for everything else? The engagement ring and wedding ring are two separate rings!?  A couple pretty much has to apply to be able to marry in a church? The decorating of the "get away" car is normally done by the groomsmen?  We're practically the only nation that dresses our Brides in all white? In Indian cultures, they wear white to funerals and brides wear red saris (cool!) After frequenting bridal boutiques and shops, I was happy to spy a few "non-traditional", slightly colored wedding gowns on the racks.  

Lastly, since I could go on forever, wedding days are a joyous time; don't get me wrong. Every Bride and Groom has the right to plan it however they would like: traditional or non-traditional and not have to justify anything to anyone.  As long as your day has you sparkling with delight, do it however you'd like! As for me? I'll just stick to the Justice of the Peace and save all my money for a honeymoon to Greece or Italy or Crete or Barcelona!...ok, I digress.

Congratulations to all the dynamite Brides and Grooms! Aryn and Brandon. Cassie and Andrew. Logan and Ken. Nicole and Duke. Lakin and Tyler. Ryan and Kelsey. Heather and Zach.